If you are a mother it can remind you of all of your expectations and definitions of what it means to be a mom. And then you get to judge yourself to see if you measure up. You may even enter into feeling guilt when your kids offer to do something special for you or give you a gift, thinking that you haven't done enough or what you have done was damaging to your kids. It may remind you of all that you have sacrificed to be a mom. I hear from more moms than you might think that being a mother is not at all what they thought it would be- and this day can be more of a reminder of all of that! More guilt for not wanting to be a mother! Can you feel how heavy this day is for some moms? And if you feel this heaviness, I wonder if it is even yours or are you picking up some of these thoughts and feelings from other moms? What is a mother to do on this day? And then there is how do you honor your own mother?
What would it take to first of all remove all expectations of what Mother's Day means and allow it to be a grand and glorious day that allows us to experience happiness regardless of who or what is done or said? Ask if you have any expectations of your children and how they NEED to acknowledge you and all you have done for them. How will you be if they don't? Notice that I didn't say How will you feel? Will you allow them to dictate how you be? We are such silly creatures- on the one hand we want to be acknowledged and yet when we are we won't fully receive it. I wonder how confused our children may be about what is the right thing to do. And are they acting out of guilt or out of genuine appreciation? I prefer not to impose any expectations or guilt for anything that they choose to do or not to do. At the end of the day, I will still be me and I would like to be more of me not less, because of how I responded to the day's happenings. What if I could be in more allowance of me without any judgment, and celebrate all of the choices I have made and the part they have played in getting me to where I am? What if I could find more gratitude for my life, my choices (even the choice to be a mother and all that is) and having a day in which to celebrate my choice to be a mom? What questions could I begin to ask about those areas of my life that trigger any ill feelings? What awareness might I receive from those questions that could assist me in making some changes in my life? Are there concepts and ideas and expectations that I have been holding onto that prevent me from being able to fully celebrate all that I BE? Is now a good time to begin to remove those from my life?
The world appreciates you showing up with all your talents, abilities and capacities that will contribute to the planet and to your kids in the process. Your children will get to see that life is full of experiences and to enjoy life through our own unique way of being here.
What if honoring your mother was about acknowledging who she is/was without any judgment? What if you could get to the place of acknowledging that you chose your mother and by chosing her, it has allowed you to become more of who you BE? Good or Bad, Right or Wrong- let that go. She did the best she could with what she had at the time. What if we could let go of any idealism we have about what a perfect mom is? Could we be in more allowance of our own mother as well as ourselves? And from this place, how would you like to honor your mother? Allow it to come from a place of choice, not I "have to do this." The longer we continue to blame our mothers (or fathers or anyone else) for our faults and our limitations, the longer we get to be less of who we be. Granted some of the experiences that some people received from their mothers are things that will take some time and some outside assistance for, but beginning to let go of the story and begin to create something different for now and the future might be what will give you more of what you would like to be and have in this lifetime. It can be the greatest gift you give yourself. Happy Mother's Day!
Discover more about Empowered Parenting by author and inspirational speaker, Mary Dravis-Parrish at BeYouParenting.com