It was the morning of Christmas Eve, when the text came in from a family member. They would not be able to make it for Christmas after all. As soon as I read it, I felt the emotions well up.
Throughout this year, I have been working on being with my emotions and allowing them to give me information.
So, I let the tears flow,
and the thoughts,
and the feelings
that I had been carrying that I had not been willing to be with.
I even had to let go of, “I thought I had dealt with all of this.”
After years of doing self-growth work, I know there are many aspects and yet don’t we all want to believe that we are truly done with
the disappointments, and
the limiting beliefs?
The truth is that there are many layers and isn’t it dynamic when the next layer comes to surface!?
Back to the meltdown. This went off and on for several hours, until I could have a safe space to truly melt and let it all flow. As I did so, I became the observer and just watched what came through. I faced any fears I had about allowing this to come through.
For hours I spewed all that had been stored up (most of which did not have anything to do with the text I received, that was just the trigger).
For hours I let the tears flow. I worked on having no judgment of any of it, just allowance. At times I even wondered what the point of living was – getting tired of that one showing up, but here it came.
and a badly bruised ego.
I connected to my younger self and allowed her to express herself and allowed her pain to come through and flow out.
And after all that-
here's what was most AMAZING!
I was okay!
It was truly what I needed.
And then I slept.
When I woke up on Christmas morning, I was over it, I was cleansed, I felt lighter, happiness returned. I was no longer my old self, but a greater me for having expelled that layer.
Even as I write this, I cannot connect emotionally to those feelings that I had. They do not hold a charge for me any longer. Melt down over and now I am having gratitude for saying YES! to going through it. The light shines brighter on the other side. I have more space,
and more of ME.
Most likely this will not be my last meltdown. And so, I am storing this memory away as a reminder to be in allowance of my emotions and to pay attention to the energy that is in motion through them. These emotions are communicating to me what is going on at a deeper level-all good stuff to get connected to and to release.
I am also celebrating the courage that it took to have the meltdown. To bypass the inner talk about judging it and just allowing it.
My other choice would have been to pretend it did not matter, to ignore and stuff those feelings away as I may believe that I am better than that, that I should not let things bother me, that I need to be in control, and so on- All those things that I have been told that just are not true for me.
What I also notice now, is that I am able to receive more in my life and to have more clarity regarding my life choices. There has been an increased level of ease and joy.
How does it get better?
And believe me I am open to receiving even more!
May you be blessed with awareness, joy, and glorious abundance.
Mary shares her desire to create different possibilities for families and individuals who are looking to live a more conscious and aware lifestyle. BE YOU Parenting is for parents who want to BE all that they truly BE and to allow their kids the same privilege.