Parent Re-Programming

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay ​

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Re-programming is needed when we are using old programs to create new results. When a parent keeps trying to do the same thing hoping that someday they will get the result that they want from their kids, and that day just never seems to come, re-programming is needed. Trying to use old programming only brings more frustration and confusion for both parent and child. Come along as we explore ways to re-program parent skills and mindsets that benefit both child and adult.

The first place to start with re-programming is to acknowledge that your programming started before you were born, even before you were conceived. Your parents had thoughts, feelings and considerations about having you. Those thoughts, feelings and considerations were in the energy field when you were conceived, as were a host of other thoughts, feelings and emotions based on what was going on for your parents. As you were in the womb, you continued to receive these vibes or energy thought forms from your parents and the environment. 

​Once you made your entrance into the world, you began to take in even more energetic vibrations and messages as you were introduced to more people, who carried their own thoughts, feelings and considerations as well as an even greater environment. This went on for about the first 5-7 years of your young life. By age 7, you had received programming with which you were using to relate to the world around you. This programming was all stored in your subconscious and is what drives your thoughts, words, emotions and actions.

If you had been surrounded by uplifting, truly caring and conscious people, your programming probably was less confrontational, confusing, empty or even upsetting. You didn’t receive messages full of fear, fretfulness, unworthiness, doubt or guilt. You would be feeling confident with who you are, enjoying life, happy to spread kindness with others, have a heart full of generosity, a spirit of adventure without being stopped by fear, a knowing of what you desire in life and a full expression of the joy that resides within. You would be fully creating an enthusiastic life.

Now while you may have some of that, most of us struggle with truly embracing and being all that we are here to be, and in doing so honoring our own unique talents and abilities that we were designed to be, not the carbon copy of other people. We wouldn’t be so concerned about being “normal” or accepted. We would surround ourselves with people who get who we are and appreciate us for who we are, not who we aren’t.
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While these programs were installed at a time when we didn’t know any better and they have been running the show for quite some time, the good news is that you can change the programs to better suit the life you truly desire to be living, as well as be the parent that will empower your child to be all they are here to be.

Warning: this is not about making our parents wrong for how they parented us. They too are the result of programming that was passed onto them. Judging or blaming others for our current situation, only bogs us down from making progress. I prefer to acknowledge that they did the best they could with what they had and given their own live journey and also to acknowledge that I chose them to be in my life. Now I get to take it from this point onward.

What reprogramming is about is becoming aware of what you know, being curious about what else may be possible and choosing a different path. And as you do so, if you are a parent, you will also be reprogramming how you are raising your children, so that they will come forth with more awareness and choice for who they desire to be in their own uniqueness. I call that a win-win!!

First step, becoming aware. 

What do I mean by becoming aware? Awareness is about coming into a conscious knowing about what is occurring in, through and around you. It is like waking up and being present. When we do this, we access what we know- not just in our brain, but also in our greater knowing, which combines what we gather from the energetic field as well as what we sense through out physical presence (like gut feeling).

You know those things that are available through your brain-knowing. Things like I know I have 3 children. I know that I love and care for my children. I know that I enjoy/dislike my job. I know that when my kids are late coming home, I worry about them. I know that when my child hugs me, my heart melts. I know that my kids don't like to sit still. 

You also know things that your brain doesn’t tell you. These are things that you may forget you know, things that are in your subconscious. For instance, I know that when someone gets angry, I cringe inside and feel afraid. It is an automatic response. I am responding based on experiences that my subconscious has decided is real and true for me- when someone is angry, I am not safe. Everyone has programs running. What is needed is for us to step into more awareness about these programs that hold our beliefs, thoughts, emotions and result in our actions and begin to get curious.

Step two is to get curious.

In this example, I have the belief that anger = fear. The whole point of someone who is angry is to control others or situations. The anger stems out of not being able to control. Getting curious, I will ask questions about it. When I get fearful around someone who is angry, who am I being or what do I know about that? I may recall that my mother became fearful when my father got angry. Or maybe as a small child, when my mother became angry, I was afraid that it was my fault and that she would stop loving me, and then I felt unsafe. I can then ask the question, “Is it true that every time someone is angry, I am not safe?” My awareness and my conscious mind tell me, “No, that isn’t true.” Aha! I have just uncovered a lie that I can now remove and de-program.

Step three is to create a new program. 

Now that I have the lie that has been running my life in this aspect, I can change the program. My new program is,” When someone is angry, that is about them not having control. It is not about me. I am safe and I am aware.”  By being aware, I know that in some cases, a person may get violent in their anger, and I can be aware of that, but everyone who gets angry doesn’t threaten my safety. I do not need to live in fear every time someone loses their cool and yells or stomps or slams the door. Now going forward, it is important to practice this new program to replace the old one. Each day, this new program is recited, written down, and embodied so that when the old program tries to activate, your will brings forth the new program.

Step four, live your life in your new program.
 
This step is all about you activating your power to choose a different program and live in that. Claim it, own it, be it, envision it and you will create it. Yes, you have the power to no longer be the victim of the lies swirling around in your subconscious taking control of your life. And it can be much easier than you even thought possible before. And when you apply this to your parenting, you get to raise amazing, conscious, aware and empowered kids, all the while empowering yourself.

Parent Reprogramming in action. 

Parent reprogramming is coming into the awareness of those programs that are keeping you from being the parent you desire to be. Let’s be honest, there are those times of being a parent when you are not in control of being you. You react in ways that if you told anyone else, you would be embarrassed. You find that no matter what, your child has found that trigger that brings out the monster in you. Be grateful for these triggers, for they are the subconscious programs that you want to pay attention to and apply these steps to so that you can change them, have a more empowering response to your child and model for your child a different way of being.
Here are some beliefs/programs that may be running your parenting:

• Being a parent is really hard.
• Good parents don’t let their child suffer or fail.
• Parents are responsible for their child’s happiness, safety, and choices.
• Parents need to protect their children at all times.
• A good parent is available to their child 24/7
• A good parent never raises their voice to their child.
• Parents have all the answers for their kids.
• Parents need to control their children.

Depending on how you were parented, you will begin to see patterns in how you parent your children. These patterns may not be what is best for you and your child. If you find that you are doing and saying the same things your parents did and it doesn’t feel right or you find that your child isn’t responding, it is time for some re-programming. If you are having confrontations or conflicts with a child, do an inner check to see what is affecting you, before blaming the child for their behavior or response. This will allow you to get your programming straight before adjusting theirs. Look for inconsistencies with what you tell your children and what you are doing. Do you walk your talk? Children pay attention to your walk more than your talk.

Two questions you can use to check in with yourself are: How is this working for me and my child? How is this not working for me and my child? This brings forth your awareness and leads right into being more curious.

We can be truly grateful that once we are aware of our programming, we can change it and continue to grow into more caring and loving parents and human beings. 

For more tips and tools for your re-programming listen to this podcast on Be You Parenting or your favorite podcast platform. ​