Be You Parenting tips-tools-strategies for parents with kids of all ages. - BE YOU Parenting

Response-Able Parenting

8/5/2019

Response-Able Parenting

Image by wondermar from Pixabay

“What am I responsible for as a parent?”

It is easy to get confused about what a parent is truly responsible for in raising their children and what they aren’t. Going overboard with the responsibility can lead to disabling your child and robbing them of experiences that they need to grow and thrive to be independent.

What if we took the word responsible and turned it into response-able? This gives parents the space to choose what response they are able to give to their child that will empower their child to live a full responsive and empowering life.

Comparing ourselves to other parents or being afraid that we will be judged for how we respond to our children can prevent us from responding in ways that work best for us and our child. One way to do this is to get clear on your role as a parent. What are the issues that fall to your care and which ones are for your child to work through with your support.

Using Music to Harmonize Your Family

7/29/2019

Image by musikschule from Pixabay

Music, is it the element we have forgotten that can heal us? Do we realize the potential that music has in bringing family together, connecting with our children and using it to bring harmony to our lives?

I had forgotten. And it took having a special guest on my radio show to remind me. And for that I am grateful! It is funny how these things come together.

My guest, Bill Protzmann, a Practical Heart Skills Advisor at Music Care, Inc. shared insights about the power of music that humans can apply in various ways to heal, connect, feel, and release. While I was especially interested in how families can use music to develop deeper bonds and be empowered, I also took away remembrances and reflections about music that spoke to me in my life.

Parent Re-Programming

7/22/2019

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Re-programming is needed when we are using old programs to create new results. When a parent keeps trying to do the same thing hoping that someday they will get the result that they want from their kids, and that day just never seems to come, re-programming is needed. Trying to use old programming only brings more frustration and confusion for both parent and child. Come along as we explore ways to re-program parent skills and mindsets that benefit both child and adult.

Parenting with Courage

7/15/2019

Courage- the mental and moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty- comes from the latin root- heart. Thank you Miriam Webster for that definition.

Most parents probably could tell you that being a parent takes courage. It is an adventure full of unknowns, and in which both parent and child will persevere, will face dangers- real or imagined and of course be faced with difficulties.

As I reflected on my own parenting courage with each of my children, I also became aware of some different kinds of courage that I needed to be willing to be so that I can be more empowered to be me and to empower my kids to be all that they can be. I thought it would be interesting to list some of these "courage challenges" here and see if you identify with any of them.

What Are You Asking For? And Is It Showing Up?

7/7/2019

If you have been asking, but not receiving, what might that be about?

Ask and you shall receive.

It is one of the key elements in manifesting the life that makes life worth living!
It has become my daily practice to fill my day with asking questions that allow my life to expand and not contract.

When I ask questions like- "What in the world was I thinking?" or " What's wrong with me that I would do that?" my world contracts into a tight space of judgment. And I can't receive anything from that space, except more judgment. And I don't know about you, but more judgment is not on my "ask" list.

Keep the Joy in Summer

7/2/2019

Keep the Joy in Summer

We are now about halfway through the summer. How are you managing having the kids around more? Do you have mixed feelings about loving your kids and loving time without them? You are not alone and in fact, parenting isn’t about being with your kids 24/7. The transition to summer with kids at home can be difficult for both kids and parents. Most kids also like to have time when mom and dad aren’t around too. They like their independence. Here are a few tips that can create more ease during the summertime as well as other times that are transitions.

Vital Care for Parents

7/1/2019

It is easy to become so focused on the needs of everyday life when raising kids, that a parent can forget to take care of oneself. And yet, if a parent is to be effective in caring and nurturing a child, it is vital that the parent make sure to do their own self-care.

When you take the effort to give yourself the care you need you receive many benefits:

Promotes work-life balance. Our society praises hard work, but overworking can decrease your productivity and leave you feeling drained and disorganized. On the other hand, taking breaks, refocusing on your needs, checking in to see what you need to do to refuel physically, emotionally and mentally. By doing so, you are increasing your, awareness, energy and vitality to be more productive in both work and home life.
Manages stress. While a little bit of stress is necessary to push you forward, too much stress can cause ill health. But engaging in self-care helps to reduce the toxic effects of stress, boost your mood, and increase your energy levels. When you have more energy, you are less apt to over react with your loved ones.
Increases self-worth. Be a priority in your life. Self-care encourages you to sustain a healthy relationship with yourself by eliminating your self-judgment and increasing your confidence and self-esteem. Although you may have other responsibilities and demands, you also have a responsibility to yourself.
Improves your relationships. Parents report that when they include appropriate self care of themselves, their relationships with their kids change. They receive greater respect from their kids with more cooperation and less arguing and fighting.

Choosing to do things for you that allow you to have a break from the worries, to-do's, and demands of raising a family is totally up to you. If you aren't into the routine of caring for yourself and you struggle with what you might do, check out some of the ideas listed below. Be willing to play with new ideas that light you up and vitalize your energy. Remember this about being YOU.

Be Grateful. So important to overcome the demands and judgments that we face each day.
Let Go of Perfection. It will be okay and life will go on and you will see that you are perfect just the way you are without the need to judge yourself.
Reconnect with Friends. Grown up time that allows you to be social and enjoy the company of other people. Choose friends that support and encourage you. And will be honest with you.
Feel good. Do one thing just for the sheer joy of it.
Meditate. Spend a few minutes in solitude with your thoughts.
Declutter/Clean & Tidy Up. Create more space around you by eliminating things that no longer serve you.
Unplug. Remove your devices from the area for a period of time and explore the world around you.
Challenge yourself. take yourself out of your comfort zone and see what else is possible.
Learn something new just for you- Do something outside of your comfort zone.
Clean up your social media feeds. Unfollow or unfriend those who bring your thoughts down.
Say "Hello" to your body. How is she/he doing in this moment. Does it require any special attention?
Breathe. Take a few deep breaths to bring more oxygen and vitality to your body, mind and spirit.
Dance. Turn up your favorite music and allow yourself to just move with it.
Stretch. Ahhh, yes that's it, what areas of your body could use a good stretch to improve flexibility and movement?
Walk or run. Movement gets you energized for the future moments.
Sunshine. Being in the sun lifts the spirit.
Plan a weekend/one-day getaway. Relax and enjoy a different environment.
Eat nutritious food/Make or Order Your Favorite Meal. Be aware of what makes your body feel it's best.
Wear Something You’ll Love. Allow yourself to indulge in feeling good and looking good.
Read. Spend time reading something that allows you to be inspired and entertained.
Be Honest. Give yourself a check-in with how you really are doing and what's going on.
Journal. A safe place to bring your thoughts out and see them for what they are.
Spa Time. Whether it's treating your feet, face or body, indulge in caring for your body which will improve your mental and emotion needs too.
Delegate One Task. Give away something that you are doing to someone else who may love doing it, or empower your kids to do more of what you are doing-be a team.
Go To Bed Early Tonight/or take a nap. Treat yourself to added rest. Notice how it makes a difference
Take Yourself on a Date. Treat yourself to a special day/evening
Create a Parents Savings Jar. Model for your children how you can put away money for things that you want to do or have.
Celebrate. Feel free to celebrate life, living and all that is.
Say no to an Obligation. This is very liberating.
Set a Time-Out. You know when you need one, set and make it happen, even if it is just for 5 minutes.

Start a practice of your own self care routine- if you like, it can be different every day. Bring the kids in on it too and do it as a family. Many of these things don’t take much time, but they give you a focus on you. When I am resistant to doing my own self-care, I recognize that is about my own self-worth and then I acknowledge that I need some "Me" time and I choose something.

For more tips about the value of self and care and getting comfortable with your self-care listen to the replay of Vital Care for Parents on the Be You Parenting Radio show.

Image above provided by: Image by Oberholster Venita from Pixabay

What's a Parent to Do?

6/17/2019

Parents find themselves in all kinds of situations that can bring on exasperation, leaving them feeling helpless and even frustrated and angry:

This parent is running late and needs to get himself and his kids out the door, when suddenly the 4-year-old daughter complains of a stomachache and loses her breakfast all over the doorway. What’s a parent to do?

Another parent is ready to finally call it a day and get some much-needed sleep and her 10-year-old son announces that he has a science project due the next day and hasn’t started. What’s a parent to do?

And this parent has finally worked out a schedule for co-parenting with her child’s father and then finds out that he has been asked to go out of town for his job on the times that he was going to take them, leaving the child without any day care. What’s a parent to do?
There are endless scenarios that throw parents into a fit of panic for things that occur that weren’t planned for.

BE You and Parent Too

6/11/2019

I was interviewed to talk about self care and how it relates to parenting. I see a lot of parents, myself included who consistently put everything and everyone else before taking care of themselves. I have learned through my own trials that this doesn't really work out the best for me or those I love and care about.

In this interview we touched on what is self care. It isn't just that you eat right, get exercise and occasionally take some me time, although those things are part of self care. There is also the self care we do when we stop judging ourselves. Do you know of any higher form of abuse than Self-Judgment?

I want to share with you how my judgments affected my parenting. I wanted so much to be the perfect parent and to do right by my kids.

How Words Affect Our Children

6/3/2019

I am amazed at the things parents, teachers, and other adults who are caring for children will say to kids. I will admit that after reflection, I have said some dis-empowering things to kids. If one could just hear what is said and then be aware of the effect it has on the receiver, they might actually choose to say something else or nothing at all.

Recently a parent dropped their child off for class and told them to “work hard.” These words imply that the child needs to work hard in order to achieve.