Have we been misled about where we have applied diligence that hasn’t worked for us or for our kids and yet we keep trying in the name of diligence? Where does diligence enhance and empower the parent experience.
My diligence before my extended learning, had been about enforcing beliefs and values upon my children, rather than guiding them to come to their own awareness of who they are and how they fit in this world as a gift and a contributor to making the world a better place. My diligence had been more about getting them to do things the way I thought they should be done, which meant using discipline that would impose fear, guilt or even shame on my children. It didn't allow me to be aware of how I could do things differently. It kept me limited in my choices as a parent and it kept me from being aware of what was occurring for my children. It kept me tied to values that didn't work for me or for my children because I had bought that they were what was right and good.
My son taught me to listen to that inner voice that kept telling me that something else was important, something else mattered in being me and being a parent. My current diligence and stubbornness was not allowing me look beyond. My son taught me that what I was choosing was not working for me or for my kids and other relationships too. My diligence needed to be re-routed to connect to what I knew was true for me. And in order for me to connect to that I needed to apply my diligence in a different way.
It has been a different path of being diligent, but the results have given me the evidence that this is what works for me and my kids. I now get to witness my kids grow in their own confidence as am I.
I am now more diligent in being in allowance of me, my choices and my kids. As I am in that allowance, I get to be aware of what is working, what isn't working, what is true, what is a lie and what other choices I have. I do this by acknowledging what I know about me, my kids, the situations, and the possibilities that lie beyond this present moment.
I get to be curious about all of life and not draw any conclusions about any of it, but stay in the world of possibilities that can occur if I am diligent in being curious, asking questions, gathering more information of what will assist me as I continue to make choices.
I am willing to change direction as part of my due diligence, knowing that things are always changing, my kids are not me and I cannot assume that what worked or didn't work for me will be the same for them. My diligence means that I keep going. And there was a time when I wanted so much to quit, to give up, to buy the lie that I had failed as a parent. I didn't fail, I was just on the path that didn't allow me to be me and to honor myself. That diligence was what needed to go.
The word diligent comes from the Latin- take delight in, showing great care and perseverance; which for me means doing the best to my ability, and continuing to seek to be my best with pleasure and delight.
Questions you might ask yourself about your diligence:
- What is working for me? For my kids?
- What isn't working for me? For my kids?
- What can I change about this? What am I trying to force that is making things harder?
- What do I know about this with regards to me and my experiences?
- What really matters in this situation?
- What am I teaching my kids through my diligence?
Listen to the replay below to learn more examples and tools for being a diligent parent that brings delight to your parenting experience.