The Trouble with Comfort Zones

​These words truly hit home with me as I have became aware of how using my own comfort zone as a benchmark had a dramatic affect on my parenting and life experience. ​
​Let me explain.​ 

My middle son, Ben, was what was referred to as "a strong willed" child. I will say that my upbringing and my demeaner as his mom, was totally the opposite. Never would I have insisted to my parents what I wanted, what I knew or what I needed. So isn't it wonderful that I was blessed with a son who did. He knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed. He held a deeper knowing of who he was, than I could identify with.  

He was totally out of my comfort zone and because I couldn't be comfortable with his difference, I did what many people do - I made him wrong for being who he was. The only thing this gave me was a sense of being right, and still very frustrated in how to parent him. I wanted him to compromise who he was, so that I could feel successful and comfortable as a parent. 

I will admit that at this time, I was not an empowered, conscious parent. I did not have the skills to see the gift that he was giving me.

• He was showing me the many possibilities that life has to offer us.
  
• He was showing me that we have a choice in how we respond to people who have a different experience of life and show up differently.
  
• He was showing me that if I could be in allowance of him in his comfort zone, I could guide him to be him in ways that would make him feel safe, accepted, loved and empowered.
  
• He was giving me the opportunity to parent from a place of greater kindness, nurturance and gratitude.
  
• He was here to teach me. 

I did not get these messages during his lifetime, as he ended his life at the age of 19. While I don't take full responsibility for his passing on, I have always been in question of what was I to gain from all of this? Now I have another gem to add to the gift box of presents that I have received from having Ben in my life.

As I go further into letting go of being right, I have discovered that acknowledging that other people who are not like me, are not wrong and that I can learn about other possibilities when my comfort zone is limiting my life experience and journey. 

The value of allowing people to be who they are without judgment or complaint has just become a much bigger target for me. Seeking to see what I may learn from people who are able to be who they are and still nurture and care for others who are different is most valuable to me and I have immense gratitude from my heart for having them in my life.