What's Your - What If...?
Recently I was chatting with a mom whose young adult daughter left this summer to move out of state. The mother and daughter talked about the value of making this move and the mother knew that this was a step her daughter needed to make. Yet she found it very difficult to let go of her fears.
Parents can identify with this type of worry and fear of wondering what has happened when things don't go as planned with their children. So often the first place they visit are all the things that could go wrong. I suppose this may be out of wanting to be prepared if bad news hits. There is another option for the What if's and that would be to focus on What if -it took longer than she planned to find her way? What if her phone battery died? What if all is going well? Which in this case that is exactly what happened. The daughter did call eventually and everything was fine. She encouraged her mom to relax and to trust her to be on this journey. And this is where the challenge for every parent comes in...
...Allowing each child to be on their journey, regardless of where it takes them. It is not as if any parent can truly control the life of their child. They may try. Yet ask yourself, "What do I truly want for my child?" If the daughter mentioned above needed to go through something "bad" in order to discover herself, would her mother have been able to better assist her daughter from a place not of fear but of encouragement and support if that had been the case? Is it in our best interest to keep them from the experiences that will allow them to gain the awareness of life and living? We do our best in teaching them about being aware, asking questions so that they don't go blindly into situations and in the end there is a time to set them free to experience life through their choices. The sooner a parent lets go of the fear driven What If's, which by the way only project fear onto their kids, and replace them with using tools that will allow a child to be better equipped to be in the world will go a long way in reducing the amount of worry.
What if there were a better way to use the words- What if?
- What if my child learns exactly what she needs to learn from this experience?
- What if I can be in more allowance with my child's choices?
- What if I use questions to replace my fears?
- What if my child knows more about her choices than I give her credit for?
- What if my child has a wonderful life changing adventure?
- What do I really know about this?
- What is my fear really about?
- How much of my own experiences am I projecting onto my child?
- What questions can I ask that will allow me to know what I need to know?
- What questions can I ask my child that will allow him to access what he really knows?
I wonder what new What If statements you will begin to use. Do you have a favorite that allows you to go beyond your fears? Please share below in the comments.